“…Forgive. Let go.” in my dream

…Forgive.  Let go.

These words flash on air just above a woman lying on her back in my very brightly lit (as in a lovely sunny day) dream.  The woman is very alive, dynamic, in the peak of health, peaceful, joyful, complete.

I take it personally.  I believe I am that woman in my dream.  I certainly want to be vibrantly healthy, to continue to be joyful, peaceful and to feel complete. 

Before the morning is over I have forgiven the first person who came to mind when I wondered  “Who could it be that I need to forgive more?”  (I also plan to do the Meditation on Forgiveness found in Dr. Christiane Northrup’s Women’s Bodies Women’s Wisdom tonight.)  Too, forgiving myself  is never a bad thing even if I sometimes have vague (maybe because somewhat unaccepted, or scarcely faced) notions of situations to forgive in connection with particular persons. 

I have a Darlene Sala festival these days I notice so I am quoting her in this post again.  She writes, “Physical, emotional even spiritual problems will continue to plague us until we forgive.”  She also quotes the Bible “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

I know that for inner healing to be more permanent and for true growth to take place I have to keep forgiving…situations and the people involved in past incidents/events as well as those of now as my daily life unfolds.

Judy Qua’s open book on my lap talks about a very successful young man.  Even as he has reached great heights in many aspects of his life, he feels unhappy.  He grew up emotionally abused by his authoritarian parents especially his father who made him feel very inadequate, never able to measure up to his expectations. After undertaking a self-help therapy he realized “he will be happy only when he can reconcile with his parents, love them for who they are, and live his life for himself.”

As a daughter growing up having issues with my mother, my turning point was stumbling upon a tape (about two decades ago) containing a meditation (Marianne Williamson’s I believe) which guided me to the time each of my parents were children.  It was a breeze visualizing my father, a much-loved first boy of his family, as a child.  I was, however, surprisingly greatly affected as I retraced what I imagined the childhood of my mother would be, she who was orphaned of her mother while in primary school and whose father remarried soon after. 

A few more of the same meditation and I felt freed from the bondage of believing that all that had gone or was going wrong with my life was because of Nanay.  On hindsight, it also brought me to beginning taking responsibility for my own life.

I may have some kilometers (or maybe more) to go in terms of forgiving completely the people I presently have major issues with but I do my best to keep freeing myself  in spite of the ever-ready resistances that spring up within me.  Ngaa pa?  (What for?)  The short forgiveness prayer, the one I recited this morning that I learned from various seminars on Master Choa’s (Grandmaster Choa Kok Sui) pranic healing, has been very valuable to me for many years already.

God loves the good/ God loves the not so good/ God loves the bad/ God loves the terrible/ God loves you _____ [mention the person’s name]/ God loves me.

Lord God thank you for the grace to forgive and the humility to ask for forgiveness./ I forgive you _____ [mention the person’s name] for all the hurts and pains, sorrow and suffering you have caused in my life/ Please forgive me for all the hurts and pains, sorrow and suffering I have caused in your life.

God bless you with peace, love, understanding, harmony, forgiveness and reconciliation/ I salute the divinity within you/ Namaste/ Go in peace/ With God’s blessings, SO BE IT! AMEN!   [Release the person]

This may be done again and again until the thought of the person involved no longer or hardly ever affects us.  GOD bless us all in our continuing journey towards forgiveness, freedom, love…peace.

References:

Darlene Sala, “Freedom of Forgiveness,” Refreshing Words for Busy Women: Daily Breaks to Recharge Your Soul (Manila,Philippines: OMF Literature, Inc., 2008)

Judy Qua, “Finding Happiness,” Teach Only Love (Makati, Philippines: Psychoneuro Dynamics, Inc., 1993), 216-217

Inundated with blessings at crisis time

They just keep giving…

the rosal plant (blossom to blossom, one at a time),

the kalamansi tree right side of the house (fruiting singly and in bunches),

members of my family in various places, friends, neighbors and relatives, a loved one (support, encouragement, warm welcome and enjoyable restful stay in their homes, prayers, healing, laughter and love) (yummy food, too, from some),

the Universe (fluttering butterflies, birds’ tweets, soothing companionable presence of cats, breeze making itself felt, sunlight in the early a.m. horizon, unexpected beauty of blooms from plants, weeds and trees, sunsets,

the moon, view of the stars no matter how vague as seen from Metro Manila ground-level, smiles and glad compassionate tidings from babies, children, adults, the elderly,

and infinite blessings from the Masters, holy teachers, holy angels, archangels, saints, at iba pang divine beings).

I feel the cascade of  blessings acutely when one aspect of my life is in crisis.  I suppose I have to thank these “wake up calls” otherwise I will just keep going on my merry, not too aware, sometimes ungrateful unconsciously smug way.

“Illness is often a sign that we are somehow off track from our life’s purpose,” according to integrative medical doctor, a surgeon, Christiane Northrup.  She also quoted Dr. Bernie Siegel who stated “Illness is God’s reset button.”

Getting the dagok (blow), I look back, around to see, and loudly think “Ano baaaa???!!! (What the…?!)”  Irritation, anger.

Denial, at what is being unveiled before my eyes.  SHIT!  NO! 

How could this happen?  WHAT HAVE I DONE TO BRING THIS ON? 

Oh my Gawd!  Oh my God!  Oh my…

Panic.  Fear.  Depression.

But there is also the almost-automatic popping out of the muck.  Again and again.  My self tells me “Aren’t you the self-ascribed positive person?”  (A friend called me to my face a hallmark greeting card, in the past.)  What? Me? Wallow in the mud like Piggy Wiggy? (Though, in fairness, PW is happy there, haha!) Naaah.

Sometimes though I ask, why not?  Especially when there’s new information, comment, or a situation which makes me feel put down, unsupported, confused.

Yet it is at these times, too, (maybe echoing the cry from within to just be) that I experience so much joy, yes in the littlest of things.  It could be that the god-within me is throwing me all these bright balls of fun-laughter-peace-love which attract manifestations of these in my external world, just when I need it.

Also, the realization (and later acceptance) of the fact that what I am facing right now, this challenge, is the result of my past actions, thoughts, words.

As J. Krishnamurti wrote “[S]orrows, troubles, sickness, losses…must not be allowed to affect the calmness of the mind.”  He continues “[W]hen they come, you must bear them cheerfully.”

Likewise, from Norman Vincent Peale (in his book I found side of my table early this afternoon at Mary Grace Coffeeshop in Trinoma) “Look at your problem in a creative and positive manner…[b]e realistic, face all the facts, but always look on the hopeful side.”

I do my part, too, to improve my condition, to heal not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well.  One small sometimes really slooow step at a time.  Great thing is when I help myself, people and situations all around cooperate in making me reach my goal, becoming better, more whole.  Everything is facilitated, as it is needed.

Who would ask for more?

References:

Dr. Christiane Northrup, 1998. Women’s Bodies Women’s Wisdom: The Complete Guide to Women’s Health and Wellbeing, London: Judy Piatkus (Publishers) Ltd.

J. Krishnamurti, 1999.  AT THE FEET OF THE MASTER, Quezon City: Theosophical Publishing House