Embracing uncertainty (even as things are becoming clearer)

When you have embraced uncertainty you are freed from great fears of what lies ahead.  

That’s paraphrasing Eckhart Tolle in a part of his book  A New Earth.  I am sure many others have experienced it, too, that a concern of the moment is answered or made sense of by what they read or hear “out there”.  Because they searched for a clarity, an understanding or a solution, there it is given wala lang, lovingly, completely.  Grace, indeed.

Yet in recent days I have been in a state of general uncertainty.  At the very least it put me at considerable unease though it seems on the surface I am okay.  Even though I tried I couldn’t find the strength to wrap myself around the unknown that lies ahead and which somewhat contaminated the present as I am living it.

Even conscious deep breathing to bring myself to my body and thus the present is a thing that many times did not come naturally.

I have to show up for my life, I read somewhere, so my life can show up for me.  That’s nice but when you at some point stay stalled somewhat paralyzed even that nice thing can have a tinge of nastiness to it, an idea mocking you.

But I am no stranger to feelings of unease, a certain down feeling, even depression.  The difference now is the increasing awareness that I am in the state I am in, whatever it may be.  This consciousness of what I am going through is the push that brings me to higher ground again and again.

I watched and was absorbed by Japanese TV films on the RED channel.  There’s lots you can get from such not at all nonsense in fact good quality small movies.  Yesterday I was riveted by a story of two best friends, outcasts both in their high school.  Yukie, the one abandoned by her mother and whose father was in jail, eventually left their village to go to Tokyo.  As the train was pulling out of the station, the one left behind ran alongside it calling out “Don’t give up” whatever happens “Don’t ever give up, Yukie-san.”  Much later as Yukie lay dying in the hospital (after falling from an overpass to avoid a bunch of bicycling boys), it is this simple statement which came up to powerfully give her courage to fight for her life.

I have been watching too many Jap films lately it seems its accumulation in my subconscious brought forth at least two dream sequences with Japanese characters in them.  As I half awoke this morning, I searched for myself among them and realized with some weirdness as well as a chuckle that I am one of the Japanese characters! Mwahaha!  There are several people or at least two persons interacting in the sequences and there are discussions and something being resolved and lots of light feeling as well as brightness especially towards the end.

The unease and uncertainty I have been facing came coupled with gradually realizing what I cannot do or want in my life anymore.  This too is a precious gift.

Due to a scarcity mindset that once in a while plague me, I resort to, even just in my mind, entertaining undertaking some things to earn an income which would require great effort on my part (even if it endows me with some prestige in some people’s eyes).  I have been given several gifts, why not come from there so it would not be a strain to express them?  It then becomes a joy to do and I earn to boot!  Freefall, I am urged.

Some people need to stay in a job or means of living that they are not so enthusiastic about for whatever purpose it serves them.  That’s okay.  Lately (for some years now, actually), I have been finding out, I do not belong to this category.  And that’s okay, too.

Breaking through myself

A day in Lent

On red band around handcrafted soap a friend gave me last Christmas is a quote from Marianne Williamson, “We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?  Actually who are you not to be?”

Today is one of the breakthrough days in a period of several breakthroughs.  I have really been challenging myself.  Though there were times I end up saying “I could have done better” even if what or how I did was already something, after all, every step taken even if it sometimes brings me backward is something to be glad about, something to celebrate.

The triumphs over myself are not solely nor mostly of my own effort.  Rather, these (whether I truly grasp this truth in all its magnificence or not) are by the grace of the Supreme Being.

I have just finished watching American Idol on TV and this batch of amazingly talented, true to themselves very young singers give me much to hope for and be inspired by–opening themselves to guidance by people who came before them, performing beyond the excellence they have already exhibited and continuing to reveal other dazzling facets of the gems that they are.

How can I slip back into doubting in or not being confident about my own talents?  How can I take long in developing these more and sharing what I could with my fellow human beings?

Each one of us here on earth has been given a set of these gifts.  And mine, what am I stalling for in further developing these, manifesting it more than I already have?  If I am awaiting praise and encouragement so I could go on, these have already been amply given time and time again.  What break do I still need to nudge me forward?

For quite some time, I notice a repetitiveness to the message I keep hearing from within.

This Lent, as outside there is a considerable lowering of noise levels (many people have left the metropolis) which I like to believe echoes that which is within me, I am paying more attention to signs and nudges telling me to clearly have a goal, write that objective, PLAN (once again), and ACT or, at least, just keep going, my dear.

I have made some notes.  Time to paint the big picture again complete with deadlines so I don’t get lost when new exciting things come along as they always do just when I am getting focused and rolling in the very thing my heart is set on.

I already know God loves me and if I truly believe in it, I can do and be anything my heart tells me to do and be.

Maya Angelou wrote

You said to lean on Your arm,

And I’m leaning.

You said to trust in Your love,

And I’m trusting.

You said to call on Your name,

And I’m calling.

I’m stepping out on Your word.

How sweet!

9^th of February

“Ang tamis!” (How sweet it is!) teen boy exclaimed, surprised.

It has been a while since I went near the buko (young coconut) juice kariton (cart) on corner E. Rodriguez Sr. and Victoria Avenues.

I missed going because I no longer go before 7am to the clinic.

There was a time I went to the usual place to get my buko juice fix only to find Kuya and his kariton of green coconuts nowhere in sight.  He must have gone the rounds of the New Manila residences.

This morning 7-ish, one of my earliest in a long while, I finally chanced upon the kariton with a stack of light green coconuts where I expected it.

Kuya usually has a young boy to assist him.  He recruits the boys (in their late teens), he shared, from the tambays (out of school youths) in his neighborhood in the Araneta Av area.

A new boy stands by the cart, calmly, quiet-confidently, under a big rainbow-color umbrella.

I expected him to call Kuya to “do” the coconut, that is, to, with a slim bolo, initially hack off the outer parts of the husk till the strategic strike of the inner husk to reveal the whitish soft meat of the buko, after which with the pointed end of the bolo a round cut is made on the exposed white coco flesh to get to the juice.  So this can then be gulped directly from the fruit or poured to a container.  (There was a time I was regularly doing the former, proud of myself that I am steering clear of using plastic straws…well, until I noticed the hard-to-remove juice stains on my white tops!)

With more flesh on his bones than his predecessors, standing straighter and blessed with a lighter air about him, he had looked to Kuya sitting across the street on the sidewalk curb by Seven-11.  Obviously given the go signal, he easily selected one from a cluster of buko nuts.

Brief flashes of the way the young boys before him had performed on the buko stage the few times they did the coconut honors (not too well) came to mind.  But I inhaled and lightly went along with him buoyed by his easy confidence.

Moments before…“Malaman?” (You want a fleshy one?) he had asked ascertaining my specifications.  “Matamis at maraming juice,” (Sweet with lots of juice) I said with certainty, glad I am more aware of what it is I really want.  I prefer one with lots of young coconut meat, not the mala-uhog type with thin watery bits of meat, but for my health needs I prioritize juice in abundance over meat.

Young boy was reducing the young coconut in size better than I expected.  With relaxed yet precise movements he is peeling off the soft husks with rhythmic hacking.

I wondered how he would manage the very usual yet when it comes always unexpected juice squirting.  When in early times I didn’t know any better, Kuya often managed to baptize me again and again with the first squirt of buko juice.

Christened with buko juice, early in the day, too, when me and my clothes are fresh and clean!  Wisened, I had learned to move out of the line of fire, I mean, water and it is the new unsuspecting customers who get it.  It always brings surprised laughter all around often except for the one baptized, who at most manage an embarrassed smile if not a smirk.

Tssst!  The strong, slim joyful squirt went straight to the young boy’s face.

Half a moment of stunned silence, then

“Ang tamis!”  (How sweet!) he chimed.

I laughed relieved he saw the beauty of the moment, a potentially embarrassment-inducing incident.

I kept chortling, glad it is indeed sweet as I had wished.

When I let him pour the juice into the mug I brought and got my first few small gulps of it, “Ang tamis nga!” (It is truly sweet!) I agreed.

He scooped out the just-right soft and plentiful coco meat.  It also tasted sweetish, fresh.

Hahaha! “Hi Kuya,”  I called out to the master buko man reading a tabloid paper meters away.  He looked up on my second louder call and nodded.

Goodbye Jen

Written upon hearing the news 12 January evening

Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

The girl with mouth-nose mask and cloth cap covering her sparse hair. Jenielyn.  Has passed on.

Judy and I healed two girls morning last Friday and ang mukhang daw mapatay na (the one who looked as if she was dying), slumped lying down on the grey sofa is still alive.

The one who sat peacefully and so presently is gone.

“kinuha n ni papa jesus ung anak namin nung 12:30 am nung Wednesday” (Jesus already took our daughter) went her mom Mary Jane’s text message less than an hour ago.

This Wednesday.  Yesterday!

Jenielyn’s mom sounded like it was a long time away.  Maybe too many things have happened since her beloved daughter’s passing, so much work to do to prepare for the wake and burial.

7 years old. Leukemia.

So peaceful so elegant so regal days before she was to leave life here on Earth.

So ready I suppose kaya ganun na lang ang serenity she exhibited.

Beside her that almost-midday at PranaLAB, her mother looked so depleted, depressed, maybe already telling herself to surrender to what seems inevitable as she comfortingly assisted Jen who was feeling pain in her stomach (yet no grimace can be seen on her face nor complaining energy can be sensed about her, just a certain paunay sa tyan).

Atta girl!

I feel mocked by how immensely calm she sailed through her already-ending journey.  I feel I have indulged myself too much in my under-par 7^th period (based on the annual kabbalistic cycle) physical-emotional-mental condition.

But no matter.

I also honor myself in spite of my weaknesses.  I suppose I honor Jen more when I do that rather than start being hard on myself.

It seems clear my encounter with her was teacher-student and quite clear who the teacher was.

Teaching me that no matter how great my challenge is, there is no call for me to whine and act like I am having so much difficulty.  Peacefully with a light heart, that’s the way to go through life even faced with challenges.

Thank you Jenielyn that from that brief  encounter with you, you gifted me with an excellent example.  God bless you, my dear! Oh, please pray for us still continuing with our journey here on Earth.  Salamat dear child.

Can’t get enough of flowers!

Master Choa said in one of his darshans years ago that not even the most sophisticated and well-equipped chemical laboratory can put together any number of chemicals and produce the simplest flower.  Only God can create a wonder of nature that is a flower.

For his part, spiritual leader Eckhart Tolle called a flower the “enlightenment of plants”.

Feeling joy and love in perceiving the beauty of a flower is really sensing the bloom’s divine life essence which is only a reflection of our own spiritual, ethereal nature, Tolle further expounded.

Sharing with you some of the blooms that has brought (and continues to bring) feelings of light, love and power to me recently and in the last two years:

Bougainda! bougainvilles by UP Diliman road (across College of Music)

 

Luneta's Vietnam roses

Dona Luz or Aurora in spacious yard of UP President's residence

dewy leaves surrounding yellow bahu-baho bloom and buds along Scout Tuazon

a tree's pinkish violets near UP Press office

talinum at home

 

red one of money tree (which simultaneously springs forth yellow flowers) in Iloilo home

lovely Rosie by fence of a bahay ng may bahay sa Scout Santiago

light pink offerings of plant at home originally sourced from UP campus

tapulanga in Pog & Neng's garden

dear neighbor's sultry roze

yellow garland shooting forth from vine creeping on a low fence near Rizal's monument in Luneta

newly fallen malabulak, so named by Pandoy, in a friend's farm in Morong, Rizal

References:

Master Choa Kok Sui’s The Evidence of God is Self-Evident

Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose

Walking to work

Written weeks ago

Today I did two things I seldom do. First, I walked towards home from work (I regularly walk to work but hardly walk from work). Second, I went home while there’s still sunlight, though fading.

Yes! I walk to work! I finally deserved to walk to work! 

It is a 15 to 20 minute trek involving flats…gentle as well as steep (and extended) inclines (mala UP Diliman campus’ heartbreak)…descents (notably the one from corner Sct. Reyes and Umbel, the street where I live)… down quick step down (this because of ever-present vehicles, private cars mostly) and keep going down to the bridge linking Roxas District to the Kamuning-New Manila area.

Except for when I was in elementary, I never really went anywhere solely on foot on a regular basis.

Early part of primary school in Sta. Barbara saw me, my sisters and brothers walking to the big (everything is big when one is little) central elementary school in bustling spacious charming Sta. Barbara-ja (as my Tagalog father would add in jest, mockery as well as admiration). Truth is, I didn’t enjoy taking the seemingly near yet “why does it take long to get home from school?” route by the highway. What I liked though was taking the shortcut along the back of the big houses especially when I was with classmates and other schoolchildren and we would play on the dried up rice paddies.

Forward a few years later, it was a shorter distance footlegwork to another elem school (where I attended intermediate level education) in the exciting, congested,  “real-world”, 5 minutes from Iloilo City Proper community of Bo. Obrero.

So it is with gladness and nostalgia that I quietly rejoice in my present still-a-novelty walk to work!

I have this walking exercise even if a bit of a quickie at 15 to 20 minutes long.

I take my time and make it brisk only when I have to (as in baka masagasaan o masagi so be quick and alert on the narrow sidewalk parts and especially in crossing streets). I try to present a casual formality to my appearance so while walking promotes health I do not want myself sweating profusely as I cross the street from the St. Luke’s carpark area (or the footwalk beside it) to PranaLAB, the pranic healing clinic and diagnostic services center where I heal professionally.

It is only 16 pesos (two minimum jeep rides) that I save from walking to work but I feel as if I am getting a whole lot bigger and better from this morning trodding across paths I only ever wondered about years before.

For more than a couple of decades, I have been taking the Chuatoco-Roces-Pantranco or Roces-Cubao routes to get to my various destinations in the metropolis and beyond. Then, I was not much into taking the Umbel road down to the bridge, walking past middle class and masa neighborhoods to E. Rodriguez Avenue…I found it a rather dank way and in my mind far too long a walk even for a walk-lover like me.  I rejected what I didn’t know much about.

I get to walk, now, minimum effort compared to yoga, my years ago fitness of choice, and before that, jogging-running, but it keeps the blood flowing and I get to somehow sweat along the way.

I walk on different terrain even if almost all spaces my feet fall on are paved in concrete or asphalt.

There are pockets of really lush trees and plants, in particular, the right portion of a part of my street just before reaching the grotto of Mama Mary where there are always bouquets of fresh flowers offered.

Also and importantly, there are tall leafy trees with accompanying green foliage of plants among the tall-fenced houses in the New Manila area, on the first right turn after I have crossed the bridge. I often look up as I walk, get my fill of  and marvel at the chlorophyll, the oxygen, the quiet at almost any hour I pass through this lovely part of the walk. (At least two houses to the left have a charm about them that makes me want to slow down and soak up the serenely beautiful ambience.)

Best of all or at least one of the pleasures walking to work affords me is that I get to physically move as I invoke, call on to God and other Divine beings, to ask (and be grateful) for blessings.

As I start to do this I often recall some unfinished business, an anger (or other pent up emotion) I need to feel and release, a person or persons I need to forgive and/or ask forgiveness from that I forgot or didn’t feel ready to do the night before. When this is done, it is easier to continue with my morning invocation, asking & thanking for blessings and blessing my concerns & tasks for the day.

Sometimes I get distracted by a detail along the way and lose track of where I am already in the St. Francis prayer I am intoning so that I would keep going and going “Where there is darkness, light/ sadness, joy/ Thank you Lord God for blessing the Mother Earth with light and joy” Oh a really nice flower up on the window sill! What vivid color! What kind of red is that? Maroon? With orange? An unnameable combination of tints.

So where was I? “Where there is despair, hope, doubt, faith/ Thank you for blessing the Mother Earth with hope and with faith”…But I am done with the next line!

But I would continue “Where there is darkness, light/ sadness, joy/ Thank you for blessing the Mother Earth with light and joy” and on “Thank you for blessing people who are sad, with light and joy/ Thank you for blessing people who are in pain with light and joy/ Thank you for blessing people who are depressed with light and joy” …

I go on, inspired, positively urged because I know that I am blessed as I keep blessing (even as I in a general sense want the best for all humanity and creation as I belong to this.). Yeah I know it all comes back to me, aye? (or as my brother Sani had in the past often lovingly mocked me with a line in a song that we modified and goes “Everything seems to remind me of…me!” hahaha!) Oh well, I am evolving just like everyone else, I allow myself some self-indulgence and a certain self-centeredness at this point (and other times).

So what was I enumerating? Yes, that walking to work is such a gift to me at this juncture in my life. Just as some people get to the alpha level through swimming (biking, too?), or surfing, I,  too, get to meditate and receive (come up with) bright ideas on any number of things while I walk that relatively short distance between home and work.

Sometimes I remember to pranic heal my hair so it comes out beautifully black, soft and curly.

I hope I release many things I no longer need as I walk along parts serene and green and even in parts chaotic and kinda dank.

Along my path there’s a small portion that   so far never fails to always be colorful and perky…the hedges on the right side entrance to Cathedral Heights, a residential condo place (just behind St. Luke’s) with land space occupied by plants and trees. Iba ibang really deep red, peach (gumamelas all) flowers amidst the healthy thick bush greenery. A sight to behold everytime. Haaay…

For the love of Jessica

Her eyes starting to fill with tears, Jessica’s lola (grandmother) offered her thanks.

I saw them come in through the glass door of PranaLAB (prana clinic and diagnostics center across St. Luke’s Medical Center, QC or more accurately across its blue building carpark).  I didn’t pay them much attention as I was working the phones to invite people for a seminar that weekend.  A slip of a long-limbed girl being carried high in the arms of an old man followed closely by a sprightly old lady.  Their group is one of the many people who came and went out of the center Friday last week.

Taking a brief break, I let my eyes scan the front half of the center, the long grey sofas, the area by the front door…people  strewn about. 

I returned to my task but found myself looking up again to see someone looking at me directly. The thin girl with little energy about her.  Sitting on the lap of the old man probably her lolo (who exuded sturdiness…”farm” came to mind, relatively clean freely flowing air in an open field), her upper torso slumped on the right side of his chest, her head near his right shoulder, Jessica then took her gaze away from its fleeting lock with mine. 

The girl could have been me when I was her age, skinny and in sick mode (not that I was often sick as a child). 

Her look unerringly went direct to my soul.

I went on with what I was doing but in no time found myself standing up, walking towards the trio.

Jessica is in great pain, her lola and lolo shared.  When her body is touched even slightly, especially the abdominal area and near it, she grimaces or lets out a low yelp. 

Ano po ang kanyang karamdaman? (What is her condition?)  My standard line to help people open up about their concerns especially what they are feeling that’s not quite right (as most of those who come to the center have an ailing part or parts of their physical bodies).  I was going to suggest to them to try energy/pranic healing because it can help relieve pains…can heal deeply (not just physically but emotionally and mentally).

Yes, her lola said they are coming back 1PM for the free healing in the center that day.

Lapay (spleen) is the part affected in Jessica.  Like many of the children who are brought to the center for blood or other tests, she has a long-sounding ailment.  She goes three times a year to nearby National Children’s Hospital for check up and blood transfusion.  Eight years old now, she has been at this since she was less than a year old.

As I conversed with Jessica’s lola while she distractedly texted, it dawned on me that they can be the recipient of the small donation handed to me earlier by Judy,  a fellow pranic healer.  The money was intended by the donor to help defray some of the costs incurred for child patients with cancer or other severe ailments. 

Do you want to receive money donated by someone confined at St. Luke’s?  I asked Jessica’s lola and lolo.

They are grateful for it…thanked God foremost.  I totally agree and loved them for it.

They probably were as clueless as I was that that was going to be the outcome of our conversation.   I stood up to offer them pranic healing service (free if they are cash-strapped although donations or paying the standard healing fee of P300 is encouraged for energy exchange) but I ended up handing them the cash donation coursed through Judy and me. 

There are more expenses for blood transfusion so while the money they received was welcome to help them with their gastusin (expenses), the financial load is still worrisome.  Jessica’s lola has been texting a child of hers to send money for the tests and blood transfusion ahead.

“’lamat” I heard the tail end of Jessica’s obedience to her grandparents who urged her to say thanks for the donation.

Demandingly yet also to yank her out of the painful stupor she was in, I told weak but attentive Jessica “Smile naman dyan!”  She willingly acquiesced but on her face emerged more of a smirk.

It was such a treat therefore when she chortled unexpectedly in reaction to something I did. 

Her lola and I had just exchanged contact numbers and names.  I, speaking in a voice tinged with a self-satisfied I-am-undertaking-a-noble-thing-here-no-matter-how-small-scale, was simultaneously handing the pen I just used to her lola when “Ay! Ba’t ko sa yo binibigay?” (Why am I giving it to you!) I corrected myself as I borrowed the pen from Is, a PranaLAB staff sitting by his table by the waiting area. 

My boo-boo mildly cracked up all of us in that huddle.  Especially Jessica!  And not just mildly either!  Thin wan face lighted up, a hint of naughtiness to it together with the sound of a short but clear laughter.  A thing of great price. 

I’ll keep in touch, we never know, help just might come along.  That money I handed you just came in unexpectedly earlier today, too.  I temporarily or permanently farewelled to Jessica’s lola and lolo.  They nodded.

True enough, about an hour later, minutes after I told the story of Jessica to Myrna, another healer who helped in the free healing that Friday afternoon, I was quietly handed P1000 by someone who happened to listen to my short narration.  (Yeah it seems I get listened to more than I realize.)  He wanted to be an anonymous donor.

I went about my organizing for a seminar, calling up or texting people while keeping an eye on people who stream through the front door of  the center, scanning visually and feelingly who I could release the donation in my care.  I thought not just one but two or more other people in need could partake of the funds.

But the way I sensed it, no one was in dire need of the modest but valuable help available.

Judy arrives and gives me the other half of the donation she earlier handed me.

I now have P1500 in all and no potential recipients in sight. 

I waited.  Wala pa rin.

Jessica’s lola came to mind.

I texted her that donations have come in and if she’s available she could come pick these up.

No reply.

I went a bit tiredly but still inspiredly with my work even as I experienced some let-downs.  I was focusing on keeping on going in spite of some mini-failures along the way.

A sound made me look up and in comes Jessica’s lola.

Tears contained within her eyes, the weary-faced grandmother overwhelmingly thanked God, thanked me, thanked the donors (named and unnamed) of the money I handed to her after she detailed the expenses for Jessica till the next day.  The tired face is now shot with lightness, joy at the availability of additional funds. 

To be a channel for such prosperity is one of the best experiences.  It felt like my ordinary life has once again been elevated to extra-ordinary.

Jessica…her lola in particular seemed to have distinctly won God’s favor that day, I kinda like to be in her shoes to be such a vessel (and channel, I am sure) for God’s providence even while facing the challenges of a sick loved apo (grandchild).  I believe her entitlement may have partly to do with her active church engagement.  She serves at the diocese of Antipolo.  Not knowing much about Jessica, I wonder what good karma the child had invested that she attracts help from strangers. 

God certainly moves in such deliciously mysterious ways.  Aren’t I glad I witness these!

Man from Dumaguete

He has to have pamasahe (money for transportation) so he could go back to where he is staying.  That’s why he can’t give money for the healing service.  I understood from his few lines that most of his money is for the laboratory test he is undergoing at PranaLAB, a pranic healing clinic and laboratory test center, where we were.

A sympathetic staff (and Born-Again Christian) referred him to me to be healed.  Jun said he feels pangangalay (a numbness or muscular fatigue) on his arms and legs. 

That’s okay, I reassured him, that is, he need not shell out anything for the healing if he has no money. 

He followed my instructions during the healing so obediently that he was breathing similar to how a friend and I do a set of movements in Stott Pilates…exhaling vertebrae by vertebrae head going down in front, bowing, then inhaling, head and upper torso straightening up…slowly.  His actions looked funny initially but soon I thought this is great, touching even.  He really wants to get well it is wonderful to behold.

Move your body like so…how do feel?  I asked when I was done healing. 

He feels there is still a bit of ngalay on his arms.   

You will feel better when the energy or more of it that I channeled to your energy body gets absorbed by your (visible) physical body.  I advised him not to take a bath that night to facilitate further absorption of energy…pwede magpunas.

He goes to Mt. Carmel church for Sunday mass and stays on to pray to each of the many saints there represented by well-made statues. (I remember I also did the same once.  I  prayed not to all but most saints lined up on the right side of the very long church, exactly about a year ago to the month when I visited a friend who works in the Gilmore area.)

I suggested he come back for follow-up healing Fridays as there is free healing in the afternoon, 1 to 4. He’ll go to my house, he said, so I can heal him on Sundays, his day off.  .

“Aba demanding si Toto a!”  I would have thought had he not been blessed with an innocence and a sincerity so barefaced it dazzled.  I realized he said what he did because he really wants to get well, the soonest time possible.

He works as driver for the family of the son of an elderly (former?) senator.  Come December he is going home to his wife and kids in Dumaguete.  (Lovely Dumaguete with lots of fresh yummy food and warm really friendly helpful-to-strangers people, I told him.)

He is okay with the son of the senator, he matter of factly stated.  This after I asked, slightly prejudging his amo (boss), about his work condition, “Kumusta naman ang kondisyon mo sa yong pinagtatrabahuan?”

If I doubted he isn’t being treated well at work this was somehow put to rest when he said he has been in the same employ for about 9 years.  Still not totally convinced I allowed a fleeting thought “Sabagay baka matiisin lang sya.  Parang tipo syang ganun.” (But then he seems capable of bearing a lot.)

Yet he most probably told the truth as most of his major chakras/ energy centers are not congested.  It is not as if he has many negative or pent up emotions lodged in various parts of his aura.  If anything, there is a energy depletion in his energy body that’s why he experienced physical weakness.

He is serious about going to me for healing after his 8 to 11am devotion to God and to the holy beings at Mt. Carmel. 

Before starting the healing I informed him we are going to pray first.  He interrupted my spiel to say he has not really memorized any prayer but he expresses to (he motions towards Up There) what he feels and thinks.  Heart expanding, I said that’s great as prayers that come from within us or from the heart are very effective.

As we wound our after-healing conversation, he handed me all the little money he had in his pocket, taking out only a P20 bill for his tricycle fare back to his amo’s house.  He gave me P40!  I was the one who got concerned.  But I sensed his genuineness in giving it. 

I felt like I was living a Bible story of a widow who offered her ultimo coins, I think, to her church. 

Blessing his tithe for healing, I knew he is going to be healed fast.

Dear Lord God, how delightfully amazing is the winsomeness You show in my life through this beautiful worth-emulating person!  Thank You!

The ‘bomb’

Yesterday

By force of habit I moved to check Gmail after some time on Facebook.  No go.  I tried again even as I felt increasing discomfort in my physical body for continuing what I was doing.  Still no.  Soon enough I found out Mozilla Firefox has crashed. 

I have to go, I wanted confirmed within.

Yes.

I clicked “X” at the upper right corner of the screen and went to the counter of a Booksale shop cum internet slash copy shop to pay up.

Why am I being pushed out of this shop?  Is there a bomb which is going to explode soon after I leave? *

This afternoon, out of the shop I was energetically kicked out of, I found myself on the covered corridor in front of the building where I hold regular  clinic hours.  I felt like peeing and the only convenient and magaan sa isip thing to do was go back to the clinic at the far end of the row of shops.  

I resisted the idea as I already said bye to everyone there for the day.  But I didn’t want to cross the rain-decorated space of E.Rod Av to get to Burger King just to use the restroom. 

I pushed the glass door of the clinic and said hi to both young men staff of PranaLAB (where I offer healing service most days of the week) who didn’t show that much surprise to see me again. 

After I did what I had to do, I remembered to leave the two books I bought at Booksale together with the book on Jesus the kind and dynamic doctor I work with in the clinic lent me that morning (which I had planned to read at home but thought I can’t do anymore given the remaining hours of the day and my plan to heal my uncle next door whose birthday is today).

Having put the books inside a shelf, I was approached by Ian to say there is somebody who wants to be healed or I need to talk with.

Simply well-dressed and warmly speaking English reminiscent of how colegialas express themselves (when they are happy), she introduced she’s a pranic healer herself.  Rather, she clarified, she learned pranic up to crystal level and the sign outside about pranic healing caught her interest. 

There’s free healing here on Fridays, I related to her.  You might want to help us heal the many people who come. 

She said she does not practice healing but applies what she learned in the courses.  She is in touch with Teacher Faith in the Ortigas center, showing me the flyers she uses in her business (selling clinical laboratory supplies) and how its look has incorporated what she learned in pranic healing.

There is a meditation here every Wednesday.  MTH (Meditation on Twin Hearts by Master Choa).  She’s glad to hear that.  Soon she was goodnaturedly suggesting a catchy line linking meditation to attaining good health to be posted outside of PranaLAB to attract people (esp those going to St. Luke’s Medical Center out there in front).  I felt her inner certainty that pranic healing is effective in promoting more-lasting health.  I noted her line down.

Our exchange for that short period of time can only be described as mutual shower of goodwill and bright possibilities to let us advance each of our “work”.

Both of us were happy to say bye to each other.  I told her I was not supposed to be there at the center but I was brought back there.  She said she too was not the one supposed to go there but her assistant but that since it was on her way she said “Why don’t I go myself?”

So that was “the bomb”.  Bringer of good tidings explosive, I am happy to welcome you cap my day at PranaLAB!

* I remember talking with a neighbor in front of her house in Baryu (Bo. Obrero, Iloilo City) relaxedly when I felt the urge to get up and leave.  After an OK enough end to the storytelling with Nang Loida, my neighbor I am eternally grateful to for bringing my mother to the hospital when Nanay had a stroke, I am back in our own yard 10 meters or so away.  Blam-whish! A coconut tree fell down with a swish of its dried leaves on the spot I, only minutes before, occupied as I chatted with my neighbor.

The little flower at Gilmore

I want a red flower, I heard myself mentally say to myself.  I do, really.

All churchgoers are to be given the holy water-blessed rose buds.  So went the announcement towards the end of the mass celebrated on the feast day of St. Therese of the Child Jesus aka St. Therese of Lisieux aka the Little Flower.

Yes! I gladly thought.

Then, filling my thought bubble “Even if I wish it would not be a white (tama na muna ako sa purity) flower that is handed to me by the acolyte distributing the buds and I end up still getting a white flower, it is going to be alright with me (inhale).  I will be fine with one of lighter color flower, yellow or pink.”  I saw the latter among the multitude of roses on a longish flower box by the altar.

At ceremony’s end, pew by pew (but starting with people standing at the back of the small elegant chapel, a nice touch), people including our group of pranic healers lined up towards the altar to get a flower each. 

Not only did I get a red flower, I got one of a deep red hue which later, petal by thick and firm to the touch petal, fell off.  (The fallen off petals and the remaining smaller rose bud are all offered on my altar at home.)   What lightness and joy I felt in my heart spreading all throughout my being!  Surrendering can really do wonders in manifesting what one truly desires. 

Why did I ever volunteer to (follow-up) heal Jamie today, a Saturday?  I, with some regret wondered one or two times day after the mass at Carmel of St. Therese (an activity I consider a very precious gift by a fellow healer who brought us to the chapel at Gilmore).  I have my brothers who need healing to attend to, I noted myself think small-heartedly.

Yet as I surrendered to what I promised I would do, specifically healing nine-year old Jamie’s lungs and feeling a lot of heaviness removed from that part of her energy body, I felt deeply thankful I have signed on to heal her.

As I healed, my eyes kept darting to the image of St. Therese on the stampita (like a book marker) a rich brown cassocked priest handed out in front of the church the day before.

“Ah,” it came to me, “I am to pray to St. Therese for the miraculous healing of this little girl, who by the way looked and felt like a mature wise person.

“St. Therese please pray to your Beloved Jesus, our Beloved, that Jamie be healed completely of her blood ailment.  St. Therese, if you can, heal Jamie please of her long-sounding dis-ease!”  I offered.

“Papa Jesus,” I remember Jamie reply in her lagday (unhurried) child’s voice when asked “Kanino ka nagdadasal pag nagdadasal ka?” (Who do you pray to when you pray?)  This was yesterday at PranaLAB when she came into the lab test and pranic healing center (along E.Rodriguez Av, across St. Luke’sMedicalCenter) with her dad.  For years, they, natives of Lipa, Batangas have been coming to the metropolis monthly for Jamie, sick since she was little, to have blood transfusion.  That afternoon they are being admitted at nearby National Children’s Hospital to stay there for about four days for this purpose.

It was as soon as I committed to continue healing Jamie that I got a text from a spiritual person I am fond of asking me to heal a family member, she who regularly observes energy exchange when requesting for healing.  My compassion for the child is bringing me more prosperity!

I now attract in my life “complete confidence in God” a la St. Therese who called herself God’s “Little Flower”. I notice this soon after I took to heart a fellow pranic healer’s sharing regarding “focus on your connection” referring to linking with the Divine.  Because of this I have been healing more lovingly and gently and most times truly feeling (and seeing) the Light from above.

Connecting truly never fails to make the “work” of healing lighter, easier, faster.  I keep finding out that the Divine is always present and blesses us with what we most need when we are open to it.